just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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