I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
