He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
