how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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