I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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