I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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