wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
