How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
