I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
