Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
