My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
