i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
