i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
