you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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