I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
