The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
