You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
did i just pee glitter
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
