I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
