think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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