I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize