do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
