you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
