That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
