i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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