Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
