Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
