if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
