why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
