I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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