I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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