Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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