i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
