hotel room ftw
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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