ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
