i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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