He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
