you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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