you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
