My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
