At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
