i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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