Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
