they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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