it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
