i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just pee around me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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