I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
