Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
