so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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