He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize