Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Randomize
