I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
operation have a gay friend backfired
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
