I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
