Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
