I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
