Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
