I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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