I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
