This is not my ceiling
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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