bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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