Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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