dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
