I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
