i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
