He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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