I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize