so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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