were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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