I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
