he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We just shotgunned beers for America
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
