please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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