Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
