I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
