I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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