I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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