You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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