News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
