Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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