I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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