I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
