I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
