I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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