I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
