Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
