chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
