Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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