how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize