He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
