i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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