so explain again why im purple
no
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
