I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
