I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
