All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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