remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
