I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
