i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
