I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
