Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
