Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
