True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
