I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
