Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
