Tell her she can't have a vagina
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize