I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
